Fierce Fostering Confidential

It’s hard enough being a teen without the added stress of being in care. If they do open up to you about their lives, it can take a while before they will talk to you about partners, sex, and any issues they might be having with their period. Since we take a lot of teens on hotline and have long term teens, we keep condoms in the house with the pads, tampons, etc. I don’t keep them on hand to encourage them to have sex, but it’s important that they can be protected if they feel they’re ready.

Say you have a kid who comes for the weekend. They might talk to you about their concerns, ask you for advice. Sounds far fetched? It’s happened to me before. I had a 14 year old who asked me about the differences between the pill and an implant. I wasn’t expecting that but honestly, I was so glad that she felt comfortable asking and that I had the information to share with her. I am no expert, I am not a doctor, but as a woman who has utilized various options and had conversations in the past with friends and doctors, I was able to tell her about my experiences and the generic differences. She felt seen and supported, which was what I was hoping to do for her. Sometimes just knowing that you can listen and empathize is all they really need.

There has been a lot of turnover within the department and there are a lot of new workers recently. Some of them may not know the ins and outs of how to get these resources to the kids in their care. It is so important that we education ourselves so we are able to advocate for our kids and their needs. A new worker might assume that all of these methods require parental or even judicial permission, but that is actually not the case.

Regardless of your personal feelings on the subject, in Massachusetts planned parenthood can assist with birth control, pre-natal care, and abortions, amongst other health concerns. Normally, if you were the bio parent to a teen, you could walk them into any clinic or doctors office to get birth control or any of the services they might need. Most times you wouldn’t even have to go with them nor would they have to tell you if they didn’t feel comfortable enough to do so. Not the same for kids in foster care unfortunately. They cannot get birth control without their parents consent. If they won’t approve, the judge has to be involved with a motion from the court to allow them to get it. Just add it to the list of things we can’t get for our kids easily that they benefit from in various ways.

If a kid is in need of or wants to start using any type of birth control, they do not necessarily need their biological parents to agree to it first. As long as they are over 14 and asks for a contraceptive without adding in the need to relieve cramps, etc, they can get it without issue. It is as simple as saying that they “want something to prevent pregnancy if they should become sexually active.” They do not have to currently be having sex, or have had it in the past, they just need to let their provider know that they will be using it for birth control.

If your kiddo needs this for cramping, excessive bleeding, etc then they do need parental consent. This is why it is so important to make the distinction when they speak with their provider so that they are able to gain access to what they need. As for any other services should they get pregnant, you guessed it, parents or judge. If they chose to carry the pregnancy to term and keep their child, there are different programs they can enroll in if they are unable to stay in their current placement. Other times they will be in a home where they are able to raise their child and learn how to parent. If they are unable to carry to term, that is something that their parents and or the judicial system would need to weigh in on. It is something that I don’t fully understand as in Massachusetts any teen could walk into a planned parenthood and get whatever services they need (including prenatal care!) Please don’t misunderstand what I am saying in this piece. I am not advocating for the use of these additional services, that’s a personal decision to be made by your teen. While I am not against a woman’s right to choose, I know that it is very personal for each one of us individually.

If your kiddo does come to you with questions, how to go about the conversation will depend on how long they have lived with you, how long they are staying, and what they are willing to share with you. A kid who is bouncing and doesn’t have a phone or other method to remember to take a pill at the same time daily may not benefit from the traditional pill. This isn’t about dictating to them what they should take or avoid, it is just about giving your knowledge and support. I always will tell them that I am not an expert, and they should remain open minded to what their doctor suggests, but that I am happy to share my experience and knowledge with them.

There is even a law in Massachusetts, the ACCESS law, that states you can get a year of most forms of contraceptives at low or no cost if you are eligible through your insurance, and also allows you to access emergency contraceptives from the pharmacy or your physician for free. MassHealth does qualify for these under the law, so all of the kids in care are eligible. This is so helpful for those kids who are not able to remain in the same placement long term so that they do not have to worry about asking a new foster family to take them to the pharmacy or wait for their worker to meet with them that month to pick it up.

It is so important to know what we can and cannot do for teens in care if it becomes prevalent. A great resource we found was Boston Children’s. They have an adolescent health department, which includes a teen gynecologist. We made an appointment with them and saw a wonderful doctor. She explained everything to my kid that was with me at the time, and they decided on the best course for her. A month later, they went back for their chosen form of birth control and that was that.

I hope that any teen who is in need is able to get the support they need without judgement. It is so hard to be a teen in todays world, and knowing that you cannot be with your biological family on top of it makes things so much harder. Being educated about ways we can advocate for their needs is one way we can ensure we are making their lives easier in an impactful way.